Being an Only Child is both the best and the worst thing that can happen to a person. On one hand you have no annoying siblings to piss you off. On the other hand, you have no annoying siblings to piss off! You can’t get away with anything because you can’t exactly blame the dog for kicking a ball through the window or for accidentally deleting something really important off the computer.
Being an Only Child causes your house to be turned almost into a shrine dedicated you, and you alone. It’s weird when you think about it where other families would have to try and equally showcase memories and accomplishments of their 5 kids, only child families can showcase everything! Every school photo, every small award, EVERYTHING!
Being an Only Child teaches you that the best person to converse with is yourself, or is that just me? At Christmas time being an only child is especially good! No fighting over what present is for who because they’re ALL YOURS! Although some years Santa Claus would play some sick joke and give me a board game. Have you ever played a full game of monopoly alone against yourself? I have, and negotiating deals with myself is pretty fucking hard when you’re as stubborn as I am! Other games played alone include but are not limited to; Snakes and Ladders, Scrabble and Ludo.
Being an Only Child means that you see your cousins a whole lot which, in my case, means that you have people that are as close as a sibling to you without most of the bullshit! You and your cousins are almost guaranteed to be close and that’s great! You’re also pretty certain to be tight with your parents!
Being an Only Child means that there’s no doubt that you’re the favourite child! Your parents found you so perfect that having another child was totally infeasible! It’s not easy being perfect, oh wait, it is! It also makes you both the oldest and youngest child whilst avoiding the dreaded “middle child syndrome!” win-win-win!
Being an Only Child means you have to face some of the stigmas that come with being an only child. Some ‘experts’ believe that only children are anti-social and have trouble interacting with other people. To that I say: “Fuck you and your siblings!” They also say that only children lack confidence and tend to be shy, tell that to the likes of Frank Sinatra, Robin Williams and Kanye West all of which are only children! Are you really going to walk up to Kanye West and tell him that he lacks confidence?? You know who else was an only child? Jesus Christ. He might have had only like 12 friends but that man could (apparently) work a crowd!
On that note, being an Only Child isn’t as bad as people make it out to be, being the undeniable, undesputable heir or heiress to the throne! And don’t forget stereotypes aren’t always accurate!
Until Next Time,